Hope.

Life is hectic and my focus was not on Him.

I sat in church, praying, "Lord, let me hear you. Let me see you."

I stood on stage singing at the Christmas musical about His birth and the joy this time of year brings, praying, "God, give me joy."

I stood beside my mom, discouraged after a day full of what seemed to be hopelessness. The words tumbled out of my mouth as if I didn't care, "I've given up all hope of having a normal Christmas this year. I'm just done." I shook my head and turned around, ready for a new day.

As I sat on my bed, doing my quiet time, I tried to hear His voice. I tried to see why all of this was going on. I prayed, I begged, "God, give me Your hope, Your peace. I need you."

It hit me. All at once it hit me. I could hear Him.

"My child, don't you see? I've been whispering my hope to you all day long! You just weren't listening. You were too busy seeking comfort in other things that you simply didn't hear my voice all day. I am hope. I am peace. I am joy. I am with you, my hope is with you. I am for you."

That morning in church, the sermon was about seeking the ONLY hope at this time of year. The hope in Jesus Christ.

"For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience." Romans 8:24-25

I stood on stage, singing about JOY and HOPE in Christ because of what He had done.

Luke 2:14, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!”

I received encouraging words and texts from friends, checking up on us and seeing if we needed anything.

"We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain, where Jesus has gone as a forerunner on our behalf..." Hebrews 6:19-20

I sat on my bed and read verses that ALL had to do with hope. I was too busy looking to stop and listen. 

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." Romans 15:13

My eyes were opened and there He was, whispering hope all day long.

And He's always there, always whispering hope into our darkest days, wanting us to stop and listen.

Because this hope He whispers is the greatest comfort.

So stop and listen.

Listen for His voice, whispering in the dark, "You are mine."

~Bailey

127 Million.

Normally, Friday morning is my designated writing time. From 8:30-10:30 I make myself sit down and write, no matter how much school work I have ahead of me.

It refreshes me. And I love it.

Except for mornings like this morning.

There are days when the words just don't come, and the creativity is wiped right out of your head.

It's frustrating.

Anyway- I figured I would use this time to sit down and write to you all about something that's been pressing on my heart all month.

Actually, it's something this month is designated for.

November is orphan awareness month.

And boy, do I have a lot to say about that.

I can't believe I'm about to do this. But, I'm about to give you an exert from my book. This is one of my favorite scenes from the whole book.

So, here you are. In this scene, Chrissy, the main character, is asked to help introduce three babies that are being adopted to their parents. As you might be able to tell, this was taken from when we met Sonia the first time in Rwanda.

     "I handed her to her father, she looked confused, but her parents were elated. Her mother’s eyes were brimming with tears, watching her husband holding his daughter for the first time. As it had many times already, my heart broke for the children who didn’t have families, who weren’t going to be loved like little Sonia was. I then thought back to Ava, she would one day have a family, who would love her with all of their hearts. Her mother’s eyes would be full of tears, seeing her for the first time, and her father would hold her with comforting arms. She wouldn’t know then that this would be the family to care for her and to love her as long as she lived, but she would someday. She wouldn’t know that I had fallen in love with her and would have given anything to make her mine. Even if she never remembered me, even if I couldn’t be there forever to love and care for her, I could love on her while I was there, knowing that one day, she would have a family too. 

     Once they had spent about forty-five minutes with the kids, we had to take the children back to their rooms. The fathers held each of their children in their arms. We led them to their rooms and they placed each of their children back in a bed, where they would sleep for one of their last nights there. The children once again had a look of confusion on their faces, wondering why in the world they had to leave these people. Sonia’s father kissed her on the forehead and walked out. Once they had all left and the door was shut, all of their eyes filled with tears as their fathers walked away but I scooped them up and held them close."

Ava is a little girl who doesn't have a family. In this book she represents all of the orphans around the world- all 127 MILLION of them. 

These children long to be loved- they long to know the love of a family. Not just children in different countries- but right here in America. 

I have been so burdened lately after being in Uganda and seeing all of the orphans again. My thoughts this time have been mainly, "What if they don't ever know the love of the Father? The love of Jesus Christ?"

And it breaks my heart. 

It breaks my heart to think that there are going to be children who will never know the love that Christ has shown us. He is Father to the Fatherless- what if they NEVER hear that?

May we not just sit still and think, "What cute children!" 

May we be called into ACTION by the words of James 1:27, "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world."

God- wake us up. Move us to action so that these 127 million children can know your love and know the love of a family. 

He has called us to so much more than sitting still. 

He has called us to GO. To LOVE. To be His hands and feet. 

So that every. single. child. on this planet may know the love of the Best Father this world will EVER know. 

~Bailey

Life as a writer.

Life as a writer is....

Beautiful.

Frustrating.

Challenging.

Hard.

Amazing.

Learning to balance.

And this week I figured out my favorite part.

My favorite thing about writing is this-

When my reality stinks and I'm tired of living in this world, I can turn my mind into the reality of my writing. I can turn my mind around and live in the world of Chrissy and Carter. The world that is right now taking place in Uganda with chocolate babies and fictional characters that are more than real to me.

As a writer- my mind is constantly in two worlds, two different realities. And however odd this sounds, it's really happening.

I'll be sitting at the kitchen table, doing math, and all of the sudden I can see a scene happening in my head, as if it's happening right before my eyes. I can hear the conversation, feel people's emotions.

And I find it beautiful.

On horrible days, I go to Chrissy's world, shaping characters, figuring out plot points, seeing the beauty in her life.

Then I think, doesn't God feel the same way? He's already shaped my story- and it's grander than anything I could ever come up with on my own.

Through writing, somehow I can get a glimpse of how the Grand Author has already shaped my life, my character, my story.

It makes me SO thankful that I'm not in control of my life. Because even on the bad days, or hard weeks, I know it will get better.

I'm thankful today for being an author. For this gift He has given me and the two realities I can find myself in.

Though some days it's frustrating...because I'll be somewhere and feel this wave of creativity move in, and I can't write...it's also so beautiful.

And I love it.

I also can't wait for the day when you get to read book #1, which is now completed.

I'm just praying about what to do next.

And I have no doubt that because He's in control of it all, it will be beautiful.

Beauty.

These past two weeks have been hard. Really hard.

I had a migraine for two weeks straight. That was just awesome.

My heart was hurting.

But now- I'm doing much better.

Day #3(sort of) without a headache!

Haven't cried since Tuesday.

Sunday is youth Sunday.

Which means that the youth Praise Band (which I'm in!) will be playing in big church.

We had practice last night. I love it.

We're playing all our money songs, as Trent calls them. Cornerstone. Be Thou My Vision. Revelation Song.

I'm SO pumped.

Last night we were in practice and I was standing at my keyboard as we played "Great I Am."

I was singing at the top of my lungs, praising Him for being the Great I Am.

And it hit me.

I've been thinking about this time last year a lot lately, but last night- I thought about it differently.

I thought about the emotional wreck I was this time last year, the lack of trust I had in God, I wasn't playing in the Praise Band yet, Caroline and I weren't super close like we are now, everytime I heard "Great I Am" I sobbed.

I thought back to today.

I was standing on stage with Caroline, who has become one of my dearest friends, with Trent, who has basically adopted me as his little sister, with Becca and the rest of the band.

And last night I was thankful.

Because it was beautiful.

I was playing and singing with all that I had, praising Him. And this time last year, I couldn't have done that.

But now- I worship with all of me. I praise Him for being the Great I Am.

And even on days when I don't see it, He is Healer. He is the Great I Am. He is the only thing I will ever need.

And for the first time, I realized that this- this is beautiful.

The road He has me on, this journey, this heartache, this Joy in Him, it is beautiful.

It's a different kind of beauty.

But this healing He has brought me, it is indeed beautiful.

"When my sin is all that I can see,
Your grace remains the shelter that I seek.
And when my weakness is all I can give,
Your gentle Spirit gives me strength again.
And oh, the beauty of Your majesty,
On the cross You showed Your love for me...

You're beautiful, my Lord."

This life is full of beauty. May we always take time to find it, to find Him- our Beautiful Lord.

7/24/13

And, oh, I'm running to your arms.
I'm running to your arms.
The riches of your love will always be enough.
Nothing compares to your embrace.
Light of the world forever reign.

My heart will sing no other name, Jesus, Jesus.

~~~

"I will not cause pain
    without allowing something new to be born," says the Lord.
-Isaiah 66:9

~~~

This day is hard.

I won't pretend.

My heart is hurting.

Remembering the thoughts flying through my mind exactly one year ago.

"God don't take her. I can't do this without her."

~~~

Hebrews 11:32-35

"And what more shall I say? For time would fail me to tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, of David and Samuel and the prophets— who through faith conquered kingdoms, enforced justice, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the power of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, were made strong out of weakness, became mighty in war, put foreign armies to flight. Women received back their dead by resurrection. Some were tortured, refusing to accept release, so that they might rise again to a better life."

~~~

I rest today on the same faith in Hebrews 11.

The one that makes my weaknesses STRONG.

I can do ANYTHING through this faith.

I can find HOPE and JOY on a day of an anniversary of death.

~~~

Today-

she wouldn't want me being sad.

She wouldn't want me to spend my day moping around.

She would want me to LIVE.

John 10:10

"I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."- JESUS.

He wants me to have life. To live. And to live abundantly.

She would want me to celebrate my 16th birthday.

So.

Today I'm going to LIVE.

I'm going to LAUGH with my best friend this afternoon.

I'm going to do just as she would have done.

LIVE ABUNDANTLY.

I've been wanting to write.

This Wednesday is the 24th. Of July.

One year from when she left us.

I didn't know what to write about.

Until yesterday night.

At d*groups when my youth pastor was speaking...

He said something that caught my attention.

"We know as a follower of Christ life won't be easy. We know the tribulations and trials are coming. But are we preparing ourselves for that? Are we getting to a place with our relationship with Christ that when trials come the first thing we think to do is go before the Lord in prayer?"

I couldn't help but think back to this time last year.

I had just gotten back from camp.

Paige was the FIRST person to greet me when I got off the bus. Even before my parents.

We were getting ready for SWTA together.

But...

What if I had been hearing the exact same thing my youth pastor said last night?

Would that have made a difference in my reaction to the next couple of days...

I was probably just thinking, "I don't need to prepare. Because that will never happen to me."

And then it did.

Tragedy hit.

And I questioned God endlessly. I ran to people- not to Him.

Would my life then have been different?

If I would have been preparing for trials...would my reaction have been running to Him?

It just makes me think.

And gives me motivation to prepare for anything else that could come my way.

Because this year has certainly been full of trials.

Constantly something else.

So I'm going to LISTEN this time.

And prepare.


And hold on to all the sweet memories I have of us from those last few days.


What a great comfort it is to know that He has already overcome.

And we're back from camp!

We just got back from camp.

And it was INCREDIBLE.

David Platt spoke, Kristian Stanfill lead worship and we had a surprise band from IRELAND.

God moved.

He reminded me that I have a purpose.

That this last year was in His plan, however hard it was- it was his plan. As we sang "Like a Lion," I did the motions for her. And thought of her the whole time.

That His kingdom is worth fighting for.

And that the cost of following him is high- but it's worth it.

We laughed till our sides hurt.

We worshipped our hearts out.

We sang until we had nothing left.

We soaked in his glory and majesty like never before.


And now- I'm tired. I'm empowered. And I've got to get ready to leave Monday for Uganda. What an incredible week we've had.

David Platt was speaking...on missions...His words exactly, "I pray some of you will leave here and go to AFRICA." Out of all the continents, the first he lists is Africa. Emily and I had chills.

I'm SO thankful for this chance to focus only on God with some of my best friends.

And I cannot wait until Monday when we leave for Uganda.

My conclusion for this week? He's bigger. His plan is perfect. And I have clearly been called to GO.

To follow wherever he takes me.

~Bailey

So trust Him.

Well....

I guess I'm a junior now.

My sophomore year is coming to an end.

Since I'm homeschooled and we have to do math through the summer, we don't really have an official last day.

But that's okay!

I guess it's about time I start thinking about college. And the big, bad world beyond.

This year has been...a bit crazy...and college was the last thing I wanted to think about.

"Where are you going to college?" People asked.

"It's been a crazy year. That's not really on my mind." I would answer.

But eventually I have to move on...so it might as well be now.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Most of it has involved Paige...

She would have been at the wedding I went to Saturday. We would be going to lunch this week. She would have been at youth graduation at church, telling me to stop thinking that in two years that will be me. She would have been the one to stay with us while my grandma was in the hospital.

But then I was sitting with my grandma...and she said something that really had me thinking, "You can't focus on the 'what-ifs' or the 'should-haves,' you just have to do the best you can."

I shouldn't be focused on the things I would be doing IF she were here...or the things we SHOULD have been doing. It's hard not to, though. I want to keep thinking about her. I want her to be on the front of my mind. I don't want a day to go by without me thinking, "I miss you."

I sat with Mary Saturday at the wedding. And we both laughed. Really laughed about life, and I knew Paige would be happy. I went to lunch with Megan and Haley on Saturday. We talked about weddings and our future and how crazy it was that in 5 years she could be a mom...and I would be half way through college. I knew Paige would be glad I was having a good time. I stand in worship and proclaim to Jesus, "Be lifted higher than all you've overcome." I knew she would be proud of me for making an effort, with Him by my side, to overcome these challenges in life. We play the 'Great I Am' downstairs with the praise band...and I worship as hard as I can. Because I'm finally able to. I knew she would be proud of me for making steps towards healing.

It's in things like that I think about her.

And in two weeks, when I leave for Uganda with my best friend and my dad...I know, without a shadow of a doubt that she is proud of me. And I think about those things...

And I wish she were here.

But Lissa said, "God's timing is way more accurate. So trust him."

It can be as simple as that...trust him.

Two words that can make a world of difference.

So I trust Him.

In this life. In this grieving. In the joy. In the laughter. In each step I take.

Because I am His. More precious to Him than the span of the sparkling ocean or the vastness of the stars in the sky. He knows the plan He has for my life and it's perfect. One day I will see...not now, but one day...how beautiful the masterpiece He has created for me really is.

So I trust Him.

To my sweet Haley!

Tomorrow is a very special day.

For a very special little girl.

Who holds a very special place in my heart.

I love her just a little bit.

Miss Haley's birthday is tomorrow.

This little girl- she gives amazing hugs.

She loves God.

She loves other people. And she has a HUGE and LOVING heart.

When we were on TV for our trip to Uganda she went into school and said to her teacher, "My best friend was on TV today!!" 

How can you resist that?!

Miss Haley-

You need to stop growing up so fast! 

Sooner than you know it you'll be walking through the doors at highschool.

And you'll make me feel REALLY old. 

Sweet girl, you'll never know how much I love you. And how much you mean to me.

I know you miss Paige. I do too...a whole lot. But we're making through it together! 

I'll always be here for you. No matter what happens.

I love you! Keep Jesus first!

Love your 15 year old best friend- Bailey :)

Would you join me in wishing Haley a very happy 8th birthday?!

This is what He's doing.

Leadership.

We talked about this at youth group last night. And I've been thinking about it since.

How can I be a better leader?

-being in His Word
-being a servant
-being an Example

But really? How can I live this out every day?

I need to watch my mouth. I need to show them what a godly young woman looks like, even though I'm still learning myself. I need to be in His word...so they will see what the results are. I need to pray continuously for them in their walks with Him.

-----

Yesterday was the 24th.

9 months since she...I just can't force the words out.

9 months and 1 day since I've heard her voice...or gotten a text...

Yesterday was the first time I REALLY needed her advice.

It was one of the many, many days I've wanted a text...or a hug...or a call.

But it was the first time I truly needed advice.

I need my mentor back.

I need my sister back.

I need my friend back...well she was more than a friend.

-----

Classical ended Tuesday. We're done...

And I never thought I'd see that day.

It's been a hard, hard year.

But like when mom and I talked, God has shown me that I am capable of doing so much more than I think.

He's taking me to Uganda.

He's given me a best friend who is so supportive it blows me out of the water.

He's brought me Lissa and Megan.

He's given me sweet Harper Elizabeth and her oh-so-beautiful self!

He's given me laughter and joy on days when I thought I was going to have pain in abundance...like yesterday. I laughed all day long, literally.

He's spoken to me in the secret. In the times when I'm by myself with him, right before bed, he's given me a word...one that's just for me.

He's been faithful.

He's shown me that prayer really does work.

He's given me times of rest.

He's given me strength.

He's given me wisdom.

Most of all...He's loved me. And because he loved me...he's gotten me through this year.

In the midst of heartache...

In the midst of hate and anger...

In the middle of brokenness and being lost...

He's held me and gotten me through.

-----

So these? These are my thoughts from yesterday and today.

My best friends have blessed me so much.

Yesterday(like I already said) we literally laughed all day, then I saw some of my other best friends(who happen to be 35 and 19...haha) and we laughed and laughed. And it was a great day.

Yesterday I expected grieving...He gave me joy- in abundance!

And how grateful I am of that.

This post might have seemed really random.

But everything I've said...or typed...are things God is doing. Things He is telling me.

And if God is doing it...it's worth writing about.

Even if it's sad or depressing.

God is doing it, it's in His plan, and He's calling you to this life.

So I write to show you that even in the shadows and hard places...

He brings you joy and laughter.

He gives you friends who will support you and give you advice along the way.

He is faithful. Always.

And that's what I'm learning.

-Bailey

It's just where I am.

I'm finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Classical is over in two weeks. And oh what tears of joy and sighs of relief will be let out. I literally can't wait. Even though we still have a bit of school after classical is over, it's not the same. It's a break. And then comes summer...and I'm beyond excited.

Yesterday...yesterday was a hard day. I woke up with a migraine and knew- yep, this is going to be a hard day. I just had a gut instinct. And I was right!! It was a long, hard and in part rewarding day.

But you wanna know the best part? (Besides seeing some of my favorite people at church.)

I found something.

I was looking through my phone for whatever reason and I came across something.

When I realized what it was I almost burst into tears. No lie.

It made me leap for joy and excitement, but it also made me really, really sad.

Here's what I found.

"Bailey B. you are a wonderful young lady and you make me smile a whole lot. I'm so glad the Lord put you in my life. I love you :]"

You know who wrote that?

Paige Elizabeth.

I remember her writing it and me reading it. But finding it yesterday was such a treasure, I can't even tell you how happy it made me. It made me miss little notes like that.

But it was just like God knew that I needed to hear from her, to know that she loves me and that she is proud of me (I refuse to use past tense.). And He knew that I needed to be reminded that one day- I'll see her again. (Geez- I'm about to cry, again.) As one of my friends said, "You know, He's kinda good at that." He's good at knowing what we need.

I read it over, and over, and over again, dwelling on those words, "Love you..." because, to be honest, out of all the things she said to me- that's what I've wanted to hear all this time.

As I pour my heart out onto this computer screen...it's more than just words to me. It's what God is doing, how He is moving in my life. And how every day, He's bringing me through with such constant reminders that He's here with me.

So... that's what's going on.

I'm tired.

I miss her.

I need God.

But He's continually showing me that He's here. And He's always giving me little reminders of her that never fail to either make me cry or make me really happy.

And Paige- I'm really, super duper glad the Lord put you in my life, too. Thanks for loving Jesus. And for leaving me that note. It made my day. I can't wait to see you friend.
With my love and a hug- Bailey

This Easter I choose...

I'm supposed to be doing school right now...

But my mind is literally EVERYWHERE.

Sunday is Easter...I don't have a dress.

It's 9:07 and I just got up and I have a full day of school today.

My BFF is coming tonight, we're going shopping, and it's going to be great fun.

But what I really can't stop thinking about is last night, we had a communion service at church in the sanctuary.

I can vividly remember one of the last times I sat in that sanctuary. Paige's body was in a casket on the at the front of the room.

And every time I'm in the sanctuary, that's all I can think about. That day when I sobbed audibly. That day when tears didn't stop. That day when my dearest friends grieved with me. That day when I didn't want God. That day when I thought, "How could He do this to me?" It was by far, hands down, the hardest day of my life.

And tears fill my eyes every time I think of that day.

I can hear our music pastor playing the Tennessee Waltz on Trumpet, she cried every time she heard that song. And I cried that day too. I can hear my dad crying while reading my letter to her. I can hear everyone singing the Great I Am.

All that to say...this Easter isn't easy.

It's going to be one of the last firsts without her.

My birthday has already passed, Christmas, the New Year, Thanksgiving...

I remember last Easter, she was SO excited that she had gotten her entire family to come to Rich Fork.

"Bailey B! Go say hi to my family!" She said after hugging me. I went and said hi, but Paige couldn't sit still. She was so excited about that day that Jesus saved her. And that her family was there to celebrate.

I remember two years ago, I sat with her on Easter, and we worshipped together.

This year, God's love amazes me more than ever. I have found God in circumstances I would have never imagined.

He has shown me that He is there in every circumstance. He has shown me that He loves me even when I cry, "Why did you do this to me?"

He loves me all the time.

He found me when I didn't want Him because He took my Paige, and I didn't know why.

He rescued me. And showed me His love in a way I've never experienced it before.

And last night, as I took of His body and His blood, His sacrifice for me was so real, so evident.

And I am so thankful that today, many years ago, He died for me. He sacrificed Himself for me, because He loved me in spite of my sinfulness.

He knew I would need Him more than anything.

So He allowed Himself to be nailed to the cross and give Himself up to death.

He died for ME. He rose for ME. He loves ME.


This Easter....she gets to celebrate with her Savior.

This Easter....I worship from Earth, praising Him because He loves me, even when I don't.

This Easter....I recognize His unending love for me, that covers me every day.

And I choose to worship and love Him with everything I have in me.

Because, this Easter, she wouldn't want me to grieve, she would want me to worship and be thankful for my Savior's love.

So that's what I'm going to do.

~Bailey

A peak into her heart...

Ever since children's choir last week, my heart has been so heavy.

Why? You ask.

We were singing that song I wrote the blog post about, "Bring My Praise."

And a little girl came up to me (she's in kindergarten, sweet as can be, super cute, and lives with a foster family) tears filling her eyes.

"This song makes me sad," she said as tears ran down her cheeks.

I scooped her up in my arms and we went to the back of the room. She buried her head in my shoulder and her tears left stains on my shirt.

"Did you know Jesus loves to hear you sing?" I asked. She nodded. I rocked her for a few minutes, hugging her tightly, trying not to cry myself.

"Why does it make you sad?" I asked. I wasn't expecting the answer she gave me.

"It makes me think of my mommy and daddy. And I don't have one." She began to bawl. And my eyes filled with tears. Her little heart was so broken.

I just held her tightly and she continued to cry.

"Do you know how much Jesus loves you, sweet girl?" I asked. She just cried. And my heart continued to break.

I thought about this all night and I told several friends.

This sweet girl, who feels alone in this world, needs love. I'm thankful that I know this sweet girl receives so much love from her foster family. I see them in church every Sunday and I'm confident that she has love...but don't you just wonder what goes through her little mind?

There are so many children in foster care or in orphanages all around the world that don't get love. Their hearts are broken and they need Jesus. They need people like us to step up to the plate and love them. People like us who can show them God's precious, gracious, merciful love.

And it breaks my heart to know that there are children out there, just like this sweet little girl, who don't have mommies and daddies. Who don't have people on a daily basis to love them. Friends, their hearts can be healed. And there is so much we can do. If only we would just do it.

So, as I love on children in children's choir, and love on this sweet little girl, I challenge you to think about what you can do. So many children need love and after this peek into this little girl's heart...I've been
continually challenged to love. God keeps telling me, "This is what I want you to do. To love children, no matter what their circumstances."

So that's what I'll do for this sweet girl. I'll show her God's love. And I'll continue to tell her that Jesus loves her more than she can imagine. Because really...that's all that matters.

~Bailey

Unending Love

It's been a while since I've written.

And a lot has happened I haven't posted about.

I'm in the Senior Praise Band for our youth group, we play every Wednesday night. And I love it. SO. Much. Getting to lead others in praise is an incredible feeling and responsibility.

We played this song last night...

It talks about His unfailing love...how His promises are the greatest comfort and how we can always rest in His peace.

It made me realize how much I take for granted the love of Jesus I receive. It made me long to be closer to Him.

It made me think...that through these months of pain, He's brought me joy. He's brought me through. He's given me friendships that I wouldn't have found otherwise. He's loved me continually. Even when honestly, I was too angry to love Him back. He's brought me new mercies every morning. So why shouldn't I praise Him and give Him all I have?

I've listened to it a whole lot today...and these words are the cry of my heart.

You don't even have to watch the video, just listen to the words...and let you heart soak them in as I did.

Enjoy it friends. And have a wonderful day.



~Bailey

My Paige Elizabeth-

Here I sit at the computer after working on my book for a while.

But I can't get this thought off of my mind.

You know that song? The one from the musical for Summer With the Arts...it was called, "I Believe." It went something like this...

I believe, oh I believe in Jesus. I believe He died and he rose again. 

Every time you listened to it- you cried, because all you could think of was sitting there watching all of the kids sing it on Sunday night after SWTA. Watching all those kids cry out how they believed in their Savior, and how much they loved Him. Well, I can tell you, it was great. I cried for you.

I've told you how I'm helping in children's choir this year, right? I'm doing it because of you.

The kids are learning this song. It's called "Bring My Praise." You would love it. I can't help but sit there and just listen to the sweet voices of the kids sing to the Lord in praise.

No one else can bring my praise but me. No one else can bring my offerring. You have put a love song deep inside of me...I love you, I need you....

I now know exactly how you feel about "I Believe." It amazes me to listen to the kids just sing, declaring their need for their Sweet Jesus. I love to watch their faces as they sing their hearts out. It makes me smile.

I think of you every. single. time I hear that song. And when they sing it in church- I'm probably gonna cry, and you know I don't typically cry. So that's a big deal.

I'll cry for you. I'll hug them for you. I'll tell them how proud of them you are. I'll tell them that because the Lord put you in my life and you loved me so much, I love them.

You're great.

I think of you often. I know you wouldn't trade time with Jesus for anything, but selfishly I really, really wish you were here with me.

And I miss you so desperately.

With love and a hug- your Bailey Elizabeth.

Bring it on.

I've heard it said that the four years in high school are the best years in your life.

I really, really, really hope that's not true.

Cause this year...well here's the low-down, good and bad.

We started with finishing my freshman year (and finishing driver's ed) - hallelujah that's over.

And throughout the year we had d*weekend, spring formal, Sonia's 4th birthday, the beach trip, my sweet niece was born...good gracious I'm smitten with her, so many fun things.

But in the midst of all that same summer time- the best of the year...or it was supposed to be at least.

Camp came first...which was pretty great.

Then came...yeah...Summer with the arts. One of the worst weeks in my life. Not until this summer did I ever imagine that would come out of my mouth.

On Tuesday I woke up and it was a normal day...until I found out she didn't wake up. She was gone. And my life changed forever.

I lost my mentor, one of my best friends, my big sister...I lost such a big part in my life, and so did do many others. And each day, I just find I miss her more and more...and it really hasn't gotten too much easier.

This year has been exhausting, and for once, I'm ready for it to be over.

This year has been the hardest year of my entire life, there have been more tears, more pain, more suffering, than ever.

But surprisingly, I've grown closer to my Savior than ever. I have so many questions...but I'm so much closer to Him...I still am angry, confused at what happened this summer...but I love Him so dearly.

So 2013- all I've got to say is...

Bring. It. On.

Thanksgiving: part 2

As this Thanksgiving approached oh so quickly, I knew it would come with mixed emotions.

It's the first Thanksgiving without my Paige.

And it's painful.

It hurts.

But I look at things...and here's how I've been seeing them lately.

I've been so thankful for the time I had to know her.

For the all the time she invested in me, I wouldn't be me without her.

I've been thankful that she chose me, then 9 year old, to not only invest in but really be a friend to. And over the years...we were more than friends, we were sisters.

I'm thankful the Lord let me have her for as long as He did.

For all the lessons she taught me...about boys, about loving on kids, about life, most importantly about God.

She taught me that it's okay not to be perfect, she knew she wasn't perfect. And she was okay with that...but she continually made an effort to fix things, to make herself more pleasing in His sight.

I'm thankful for her love of life, her joy, and her love for her Savior. 

I'm thankful that on the 22nd of July I got to spend many, many hours with her, doing one of the things we were most passionate about (SWTA).

I'm thankful for the special days we spent together...even though we never got to have one this year.

I'm most thankful for the legacy of love she left behind. So many people know her name- and why? Because she loved life. She loved God, she told people about Him. She left behind an example to follow. One that I have been striving to follow, praying that He would use me like He used her. 

So this Thanksgiving...in the midst of grieving, He has still given me things to be thankful for.

~Bailey

SWTA...Camp...and life!

CRAZINESS. INSANITY. EXHAUSTION.

That's my life right now.

I just got back from church camp Friday. It was an ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE week. I miss my small group and my kids at site sooooo much! But I am very glad to be back in my bed and eating non processed non cafeteria food. God moved in so many ways that week, he is such a great God. I learned and was reminded of so much and I'm so thankful for that week and everything he did for me and my youth group.

Summer With the Arts started today! Yippee! I  am the group leader for the 2nd and 3rd graders this week, (though tiring) they are so cute and I already love them so much! It was a really great day and I can't wait to see what the Lord does this week!

 
LUNCH TIME- SWTA 2012


Opening song time(I guess you could call it that haha)!


My brother and his biggest fan Allie :)

Anyway- just a glimpse of the day! Have a great week! But it probably won't be as great as mine :):)

~Bailey

What a legacy

Today I went to a funeral. (no, not for Little Women)

And it was beautiful. I've only been to a few funerals, but this one was beautiful.

The gentleman that passed away loved God with all of his heart. And his son was my dad's youth pastor. And one of his other sons goes to our church(as did he, and his wife still does) and he has led my dad in many of the decisions he has made in church. Without both of these men- my father would not be who he is today. I owe so much to these men.

My dad did the funeral, and was able to tell stories of this family. Stories of how he loved Christ, stories of how he led his family to love Christ. Stories of his perseverance, his passion for life- his love to watch things grow.

And his wife of 67 years cried, as did the five rows of family in our sanctuary where he once sat.

What this man did, he loved his family but more importantly loved Christ so much that it carried down through many generations- he left a legacy. A legacy of what a man and woman who love Christ can do, how they can raise a family, how they can change so many lives. Because in those five rows of people sat in our sanctuary, he gave them each a gift- he taught his children to love Christ and they taught their children to love Christ and they taught their children to love Christ.

What a legacy. What a beautiful legacy.

Don't you want to leave behind a legacy like that? Don't you want to leave behind a huge family who all love Christ with everything they have, because of YOU?

I know I sure do.

I want to work hard, with perseverance, to leave behind a legacy like that. To love Christ like that.

And I know that not only did Mr. Avis Tobin leave behind an incredible legacy, but today as you read this, he sits at the throne of God praising HIS father today- because he's home.

~Bailey

Summer thoughts...

I find it incredible that while we are struggling it brings us so much closer to God, and how much more aware we are of other people's difficulties. Don't you?

This past semester, there were tears so many days, all I could do was rely on God to bring me through each day. I had to remember daily this was the plan He had for my life, and everything had a purpose.

And when exams were over and I finished my bible study...I wasn't making time for God, wasn't giving it as much importance as before and most importantly wasn't continually thanking Him for bringing me through such a tough semester.

Yesterday, well actually this has been brewing in my little mind for quite some time, I realized, God brings us through such tough times so that we will grow stronger in Him and grow closer to Him- and after that struggle is over CONTINUE to grow closer to Him.

And so this summer...I'm going to do whatever it takes to grow closer to God. To make sure that when I start next semester I have the fruit of the spirit flowing out of my mouth. To make sure that I continually have the right attitude about school, knowing that God is and always will be by my side.

To make sure that I will always remember this summer, the summer of 2012, as one of spiritual growth and nearness to my Savior. To be able to look back and know that God changed my heart forever this summer, that I grew closer than ever to my Savior and will be ready next semester for whatever challenges he places in front of me.

Lord, 
Use me. Strengthen me. Help me grow in you. Shine your love through me in the words I speak. Help me love you more than I have ever loved you before. Show me your unfathomable love and help me grasp that in every area of my life. Lord, help me love you with an unconditional love, so that I will be prepared for wherever you are going to take me.


~Bailey

What are some of your summer thoughts?