Don't you forget it.

Music plays through my head.

And the words just flow.

Beautifully and perfectly onto the page.

I stand on stage, hands wide, crying, Lord, I need you, oh, I need you. 

How true that always is.

This week in particular.

I look back on Monday.

We all stood on the porch, collapsing into tears- each and every one of us.

My heart broke in half as I watched a grown man, who has become like my older brother, cry. He hugged William and Jonathan. And I could hardly bare it.

I remember the dance parties.

And the movie nights. The time we watched Lion King 1 1/2 and ate Blow Pops.

The homework chair. The long afternoons at the pool.

"You're going to be one of my bridesmaids, aren't you?"

"Will you make the baby's scrapbook?"

"Harper's going to be a big sister!"

I kissed her sweet forehead, memorizing her sweet features, her laughs and giggles.

I hugged her tightly, not wanting to let go. Not wanting her to leave.

"I love you."

She wiped the tears from her cheeks. That was only the third time I had ever seen her cry.

My vision was blurred with tears as I tried to hold it together, tried to be strong.

We walked off, they got in their car, and drove. And drove. And drove.

On Monday, Amanda, Nick, Harper and baby girl on-the-way left for California.

I dreaded the day we'd have to say goodbye.

But it came and went.

And I can now look back and think, He was faithful once again. 

This week I have written.

I have prayed.

I have stayed close to my Jesus.

And He has proven himself so faithful to me.

I'm going to miss them more than I can say.

But, I can't wait to visit California to see my favorite almost one year old, her mom and dad, and her sweet baby sister.

Once again this week- He has been faithful to remind me of His promises. I don't think He will ever let me forget that He will always be faithful. No matter what.

Amanda, Nick, Harper, and little miss Mckinley(I love having a name for you, sweet baby), I love you guys. And though I'd rather you be here, I know God wants you there. So go ahead and find some awesome things for us to do when we come visit next summer. Thanks for everything from the dance parties to letting me help with wedding planning and everything in between. Be safe. And Harper- don't you ever forget I was your favorite in our family from the very beginning!

Love, Bailey Elizabeth

This is what He's doing.

Leadership.

We talked about this at youth group last night. And I've been thinking about it since.

How can I be a better leader?

-being in His Word
-being a servant
-being an Example

But really? How can I live this out every day?

I need to watch my mouth. I need to show them what a godly young woman looks like, even though I'm still learning myself. I need to be in His word...so they will see what the results are. I need to pray continuously for them in their walks with Him.

-----

Yesterday was the 24th.

9 months since she...I just can't force the words out.

9 months and 1 day since I've heard her voice...or gotten a text...

Yesterday was the first time I REALLY needed her advice.

It was one of the many, many days I've wanted a text...or a hug...or a call.

But it was the first time I truly needed advice.

I need my mentor back.

I need my sister back.

I need my friend back...well she was more than a friend.

-----

Classical ended Tuesday. We're done...

And I never thought I'd see that day.

It's been a hard, hard year.

But like when mom and I talked, God has shown me that I am capable of doing so much more than I think.

He's taking me to Uganda.

He's given me a best friend who is so supportive it blows me out of the water.

He's brought me Lissa and Megan.

He's given me sweet Harper Elizabeth and her oh-so-beautiful self!

He's given me laughter and joy on days when I thought I was going to have pain in abundance...like yesterday. I laughed all day long, literally.

He's spoken to me in the secret. In the times when I'm by myself with him, right before bed, he's given me a word...one that's just for me.

He's been faithful.

He's shown me that prayer really does work.

He's given me times of rest.

He's given me strength.

He's given me wisdom.

Most of all...He's loved me. And because he loved me...he's gotten me through this year.

In the midst of heartache...

In the midst of hate and anger...

In the middle of brokenness and being lost...

He's held me and gotten me through.

-----

So these? These are my thoughts from yesterday and today.

My best friends have blessed me so much.

Yesterday(like I already said) we literally laughed all day, then I saw some of my other best friends(who happen to be 35 and 19...haha) and we laughed and laughed. And it was a great day.

Yesterday I expected grieving...He gave me joy- in abundance!

And how grateful I am of that.

This post might have seemed really random.

But everything I've said...or typed...are things God is doing. Things He is telling me.

And if God is doing it...it's worth writing about.

Even if it's sad or depressing.

God is doing it, it's in His plan, and He's calling you to this life.

So I write to show you that even in the shadows and hard places...

He brings you joy and laughter.

He gives you friends who will support you and give you advice along the way.

He is faithful. Always.

And that's what I'm learning.

-Bailey

Goodbye friend.

This week is going to be hard. 

Well, more like the beginning of next week. 

Why you ask?

Nick leaves for the Navy on Monday. 

He's like my brother-in-law. 

When I first met him, I had no idea how close he would become to me. How much he would feel like family. 

Because we are family. 

And what's even harder than that...is that my big sister and niece will leave later this year, and right now, we don't even know where. 

My heart is hurting, friends. Those three are family. They mean so much to me. 

I'm so proud to call them family. Because what they're doing is incredible. They're following what God is calling them to do even if they have no idea where it will take them (literally). It's a brave thing what they're doing. 

And I'm going to miss them. So, so, so very much. 

Friends- don't pray for me. I've made it through the last(almost eight months), I can make it through this. Pray for Nick, Amanda and sweet miss Harper(good gracious- isn't she the CUTEST thing?!). Pray they would feel the Lord's comforting arms around them. Pray for Amanda during these next few months while Nick is away. 

Thank you for what you're doing, Nick. Thank you for taking care of my sister. And on another note- thank you for trusting me with your baby. That means more than you can imagine.

I can't wait to see what God is going to do through your family. 

But most of all, I'm going to miss you guys a whole, whole lot.

Love, Bailey Elizabeth

Bring it on.

I've heard it said that the four years in high school are the best years in your life.

I really, really, really hope that's not true.

Cause this year...well here's the low-down, good and bad.

We started with finishing my freshman year (and finishing driver's ed) - hallelujah that's over.

And throughout the year we had d*weekend, spring formal, Sonia's 4th birthday, the beach trip, my sweet niece was born...good gracious I'm smitten with her, so many fun things.

But in the midst of all that same summer time- the best of the year...or it was supposed to be at least.

Camp came first...which was pretty great.

Then came...yeah...Summer with the arts. One of the worst weeks in my life. Not until this summer did I ever imagine that would come out of my mouth.

On Tuesday I woke up and it was a normal day...until I found out she didn't wake up. She was gone. And my life changed forever.

I lost my mentor, one of my best friends, my big sister...I lost such a big part in my life, and so did do many others. And each day, I just find I miss her more and more...and it really hasn't gotten too much easier.

This year has been exhausting, and for once, I'm ready for it to be over.

This year has been the hardest year of my entire life, there have been more tears, more pain, more suffering, than ever.

But surprisingly, I've grown closer to my Savior than ever. I have so many questions...but I'm so much closer to Him...I still am angry, confused at what happened this summer...but I love Him so dearly.

So 2013- all I've got to say is...

Bring. It. On.

The BEST Thanksgiving gift :)

10 years ago a thirteen year old girl walked in our front door. Little did we know what a big part of our life she would play.

Over the years she kept coming back to babysit, she kept coming to church...and she kept meaning more and more to each and every one of us.

I remember the time, when I was about 5, we painted ourselves with finger paint- like our whole bodies. And the house was spotless when mom and dad got home. 

I remember the time she came with us to the beach, William slept in her room every night and she got horribly sunburnt on the beach because she wouldn't wear sunscreen. 

I remember when Sonia came home, she came over to see her, I remember the look on her face when she saw Sonia for the first time. 

I remember the day she brought her boyfriend over the first time, we went swimming. I remember the day she asked me to be her bridesmaid and wear that beautiful green dress. I remember when my dad walked her down the isle, tears filled my eyes. I remember the day we stood in the driveway and she handed me a bag of baby stickers and asked me to make their baby book, "You're going to be an aunt!" She said. 

I remember how over all these years, we've grown closer and closer...and now, we're just family. My parents consider her their daughter, she's part of our family. She's my sister.

I remember sitting in the hospital lobby yesterday waiting...and waiting...and waiting...

And then around 5:10 we got a text, "She's here!"

I remember the first time I saw her, my heart filled with joy- I'm an aunt! I couldn't stop smiling, she was so beautiful.

So...I am SO SO SO VERY proud to introduce to you my little niece, 

Harper Elizabeth Land 

I think she's just about the prettiest, most precious thing EVER. Being an aunt so far is pretty much the best thing. 

Proud daddy, with his beautiful baby girl.

My favorite family of three. 

I just love her so much already, she's already brought so much joy to my life. I can't wait to hold her little self today.

So, over these years, our love for Amanda has grown and today...we're all so proud of the newest little Land...the newest little girl in the family. And we can't wait to have a baby at Christmas this year.

Amanda, Nick and Harper- I love you guys!!! Can't wait to watch miss Harper grow and see what the Lord will continue to do through your precious family. Thanks for giving me the best thanksgiving gift and letting me play a part in your lives.

Love, Aunt Bailey :)