This is what He's doing.

Leadership.

We talked about this at youth group last night. And I've been thinking about it since.

How can I be a better leader?

-being in His Word
-being a servant
-being an Example

But really? How can I live this out every day?

I need to watch my mouth. I need to show them what a godly young woman looks like, even though I'm still learning myself. I need to be in His word...so they will see what the results are. I need to pray continuously for them in their walks with Him.

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Yesterday was the 24th.

9 months since she...I just can't force the words out.

9 months and 1 day since I've heard her voice...or gotten a text...

Yesterday was the first time I REALLY needed her advice.

It was one of the many, many days I've wanted a text...or a hug...or a call.

But it was the first time I truly needed advice.

I need my mentor back.

I need my sister back.

I need my friend back...well she was more than a friend.

-----

Classical ended Tuesday. We're done...

And I never thought I'd see that day.

It's been a hard, hard year.

But like when mom and I talked, God has shown me that I am capable of doing so much more than I think.

He's taking me to Uganda.

He's given me a best friend who is so supportive it blows me out of the water.

He's brought me Lissa and Megan.

He's given me sweet Harper Elizabeth and her oh-so-beautiful self!

He's given me laughter and joy on days when I thought I was going to have pain in abundance...like yesterday. I laughed all day long, literally.

He's spoken to me in the secret. In the times when I'm by myself with him, right before bed, he's given me a word...one that's just for me.

He's been faithful.

He's shown me that prayer really does work.

He's given me times of rest.

He's given me strength.

He's given me wisdom.

Most of all...He's loved me. And because he loved me...he's gotten me through this year.

In the midst of heartache...

In the midst of hate and anger...

In the middle of brokenness and being lost...

He's held me and gotten me through.

-----

So these? These are my thoughts from yesterday and today.

My best friends have blessed me so much.

Yesterday(like I already said) we literally laughed all day, then I saw some of my other best friends(who happen to be 35 and 19...haha) and we laughed and laughed. And it was a great day.

Yesterday I expected grieving...He gave me joy- in abundance!

And how grateful I am of that.

This post might have seemed really random.

But everything I've said...or typed...are things God is doing. Things He is telling me.

And if God is doing it...it's worth writing about.

Even if it's sad or depressing.

God is doing it, it's in His plan, and He's calling you to this life.

So I write to show you that even in the shadows and hard places...

He brings you joy and laughter.

He gives you friends who will support you and give you advice along the way.

He is faithful. Always.

And that's what I'm learning.

-Bailey

It's just where I am.

I'm finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Classical is over in two weeks. And oh what tears of joy and sighs of relief will be let out. I literally can't wait. Even though we still have a bit of school after classical is over, it's not the same. It's a break. And then comes summer...and I'm beyond excited.

Yesterday...yesterday was a hard day. I woke up with a migraine and knew- yep, this is going to be a hard day. I just had a gut instinct. And I was right!! It was a long, hard and in part rewarding day.

But you wanna know the best part? (Besides seeing some of my favorite people at church.)

I found something.

I was looking through my phone for whatever reason and I came across something.

When I realized what it was I almost burst into tears. No lie.

It made me leap for joy and excitement, but it also made me really, really sad.

Here's what I found.

"Bailey B. you are a wonderful young lady and you make me smile a whole lot. I'm so glad the Lord put you in my life. I love you :]"

You know who wrote that?

Paige Elizabeth.

I remember her writing it and me reading it. But finding it yesterday was such a treasure, I can't even tell you how happy it made me. It made me miss little notes like that.

But it was just like God knew that I needed to hear from her, to know that she loves me and that she is proud of me (I refuse to use past tense.). And He knew that I needed to be reminded that one day- I'll see her again. (Geez- I'm about to cry, again.) As one of my friends said, "You know, He's kinda good at that." He's good at knowing what we need.

I read it over, and over, and over again, dwelling on those words, "Love you..." because, to be honest, out of all the things she said to me- that's what I've wanted to hear all this time.

As I pour my heart out onto this computer screen...it's more than just words to me. It's what God is doing, how He is moving in my life. And how every day, He's bringing me through with such constant reminders that He's here with me.

So... that's what's going on.

I'm tired.

I miss her.

I need God.

But He's continually showing me that He's here. And He's always giving me little reminders of her that never fail to either make me cry or make me really happy.

And Paige- I'm really, super duper glad the Lord put you in my life, too. Thanks for loving Jesus. And for leaving me that note. It made my day. I can't wait to see you friend.
With my love and a hug- Bailey