I want to write, to tell you all how I am.
But I really don't have any words to describe my feelings right now.
I'm tired of questions.
I'm hurting.
I'm overwhelmed.
I'm tired of how busy we've been this week- but hey it's reality.
School starts Tuesday, and I really don't know how in the world I'm going to do it. I don't. My mind explodes every time I think of it.
I miss her.
I want to just text her and talk for hours.
I want to get giddy when a letter from her is in the mailbox.
I want this to show up when my phone vibrates, "Paige :):)"
But it's not.
My heart hurts.
I want to sit beside her at Perfect Blend on our special day together.
I want her to get really excited about my book and how far I've come with it.
I want to walk in downtown Lexington as she takes pictures of me and anything that looks cute.
I want her to be here, to be there for me.
I just want Paige. That's all I want.
~Bailey
Friday, August 10, 2012
Friday, August 3, 2012
I miss her.
I think I'm ready to write again.
I want to be happy, I want to wake up and be happy and not be continually grieving.
But at the same time I don't- because I'm scared I will forget her. Forget the sweet memories we had. Forget how much love she showed me. Forget how much I love her.
Every morning I wake up- she's the first thing that comes to my mind.
"Paige is gone." First thought, every morning, without fail.
She was my mentor. My friend. My sister. She was so much to me.
Yesterday, I thought- "Hey! I want to talk to Paige!" Got out my phone, flipped it open and grief filled my heart yet again knowing I will never have another texting conversation with her about nothing in particular, just talking about life. I will never get another letter from her. Ever.
And I know how happy she is, and how she would want me to be happy. But I just can't. It just hurts too much.
My biggest fear is not about my own life, about the future or what is to come. It is forgetting her. Forgetting everything that she meant to me. I cling tight to the memories... the pictures... and the letters we shared.
I'm fearful.
I'm angry at nothing in particular.
I'm broken.
I'm hurting.
I'm tired of questions.
I'm ready to wake up from this horrible dream.
But it's reality. Horrible reality that is my life.
I don't want to move on. I want to miss her forever.
I miss her so much. So so so much.
~Bailey
Oh and sorry my blog is so depressing right now.
I want to be happy, I want to wake up and be happy and not be continually grieving.
But at the same time I don't- because I'm scared I will forget her. Forget the sweet memories we had. Forget how much love she showed me. Forget how much I love her.
Every morning I wake up- she's the first thing that comes to my mind.
"Paige is gone." First thought, every morning, without fail.
She was my mentor. My friend. My sister. She was so much to me.
Yesterday, I thought- "Hey! I want to talk to Paige!" Got out my phone, flipped it open and grief filled my heart yet again knowing I will never have another texting conversation with her about nothing in particular, just talking about life. I will never get another letter from her. Ever.
And I know how happy she is, and how she would want me to be happy. But I just can't. It just hurts too much.
My biggest fear is not about my own life, about the future or what is to come. It is forgetting her. Forgetting everything that she meant to me. I cling tight to the memories... the pictures... and the letters we shared.
I'm fearful.
I'm angry at nothing in particular.
I'm broken.
I'm hurting.
I'm tired of questions.
I'm ready to wake up from this horrible dream.
But it's reality. Horrible reality that is my life.
I don't want to move on. I want to miss her forever.
I miss her so much. So so so much.
~Bailey
Oh and sorry my blog is so depressing right now.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Paige Elizabeth.
We finished strong.
As many of you know, my dearest Paige Elizabeth went to be with Jesus on Tuesday morning, July 24th 2012.
No, we don't know why. Yes, we are all confused. And, yes we are all asking questions.
She planned Summer With the Arts. She worked all summer towards it. And she saw one day. But everyone there agreed she would want us to continue, to continue what she had worked towards all summer.
And we did it. We finished strong. And as I watched the kids practice today I couldn't help but think how proud she is today of everyone at SWTA this week. And I told someone today, on Sunday night I will proud for her.
Yesterday was my birthday. It was one of the hardest days ever. We didn't get to have my special birthday time together...it was a very bittersweet day. And words can't express how much I miss her. Her hugs...she gave the best. Her smile. Her always encouraging words. Her love for Christ. Her love for life. Her love for children.
She changed so many lives. She changed mine.
Without fail, I have cried every day this week. And tears come to my eyes as I type this.
I miss her.
It hurts. It's been a hard week.
But we made it.
And I know we made her proud.
Paige- we miss you. I miss you. Thank you for everything you have ever done for me or taught me here. I love you. I'm really glad you learned to regret that haircut you got on your 18th birthday. I'm really glad you didn't make any dumb choices in your two years of college...and incase you are wondering I still don't think the whole night star idea was a very bright one. I'm really glad you chose to invest so deeply in me...to make sure I made the right choices, that I was hanging out with the right people, and that you took time to just talk to me, even if all it consisted of was me ranting to you. I wouldn't be who I am today with out you. I will never, ever forget you dear friend. And I don't know how in the world I'm going to make it without you. But I hope that as my life here goes on that I will make you proud...and grow up into the woman you have taught me to be.
I love you more than anything.
~Bailey Elizabeth
As many of you know, my dearest Paige Elizabeth went to be with Jesus on Tuesday morning, July 24th 2012.
No, we don't know why. Yes, we are all confused. And, yes we are all asking questions.
She planned Summer With the Arts. She worked all summer towards it. And she saw one day. But everyone there agreed she would want us to continue, to continue what she had worked towards all summer.
And we did it. We finished strong. And as I watched the kids practice today I couldn't help but think how proud she is today of everyone at SWTA this week. And I told someone today, on Sunday night I will proud for her.
Yesterday was my birthday. It was one of the hardest days ever. We didn't get to have my special birthday time together...it was a very bittersweet day. And words can't express how much I miss her. Her hugs...she gave the best. Her smile. Her always encouraging words. Her love for Christ. Her love for life. Her love for children.
She changed so many lives. She changed mine.
Without fail, I have cried every day this week. And tears come to my eyes as I type this.
I miss her.
But we made it.
And I know we made her proud.
Paige- we miss you. I miss you. Thank you for everything you have ever done for me or taught me here. I love you. I'm really glad you learned to regret that haircut you got on your 18th birthday. I'm really glad you didn't make any dumb choices in your two years of college...and incase you are wondering I still don't think the whole night star idea was a very bright one. I'm really glad you chose to invest so deeply in me...to make sure I made the right choices, that I was hanging out with the right people, and that you took time to just talk to me, even if all it consisted of was me ranting to you. I wouldn't be who I am today with out you. I will never, ever forget you dear friend. And I don't know how in the world I'm going to make it without you. But I hope that as my life here goes on that I will make you proud...and grow up into the woman you have taught me to be.
I love you more than anything.
~Bailey Elizabeth
Monday, July 23, 2012
SWTA...Camp...and life!
CRAZINESS. INSANITY. EXHAUSTION.
That's my life right now.
I just got back from church camp Friday. It was an ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE week. I miss my small group and my kids at site sooooo much! But I am very glad to be back in my bed and eating non processed non cafeteria food. God moved in so many ways that week, he is such a great God. I learned and was reminded of so much and I'm so thankful for that week and everything he did for me and my youth group.
Summer With the Arts started today! Yippee! I am the group leader for the 2nd and 3rd graders this week, (though tiring) they are so cute and I already love them so much! It was a really great day and I can't wait to see what the Lord does this week!
LUNCH TIME- SWTA 2012
Opening song time(I guess you could call it that haha)!
My brother and his biggest fan Allie :)
Anyway- just a glimpse of the day! Have a great week! But it probably won't be as great as mine :):)
~Bailey
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Summer fun...and insanity!
It's been a crazy last couple of days...INSANE(which explains my extreme lack of posting).
My cousins were in from Texas, and they stayed at my grandparents so we drove there several times last week. And Saturday we went to the lake! IT. WAS. SO. MUCH. FUN! My aunt could not move the next day- literally, could not move.
The house some church members were loving enough to have us over at!
The fantastic tube and all the cousins, (from L to R) Jman, Hannah, Hope, Sarah, Bailey, Sonia, and William.
A super cute picture of Sonia!
Dad, Hannah and I!
Sarah and Sonia jumping in the lake!
A little tubing action!
Hannah and I riding on the back of the pontoon!
Sonia and her new best friend Alex :)
Overall, it was a very fun day! I think I was one of the only ones who came out not sunburned, and not sore! And even though I am very tired from such a long and insane week- it was lots of fun and we made some Pinterest crafts! This weekend is going to be kind of crazy- but lots of fun! Anyway- have a great rest of your week!
~Bailey
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Tutus and Hairbows....
Hairbows...
Tutus...
And baby girl goodies...
Because baby Land is a........GIRL!!!!! A very tiny, but very healthy baby girl :):):):)
This little girl is going to be so spoiled...my little niece...that's so fun to say :)
I could not be more excited!
Have a great Saturday!
~Bailey
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
It's Summer!!!
Even though it's technically been summer for quite some time, it's just now feeling like it.
And sadly the business of summer has hit, and though it is wonderful- it is sometimes a bit crazy.
We've had VBS this week, and I've been with three year olds, and wow. I am so tired. They are CRAZY. But I love them and I constantly have a cloud of little children surrounding me and about four children asking to hold my hands. Apparently they don't understand that when I have one kid on each hand it means I don't have any more hands to go around...so they just grab my arm instead. But I'm totally okay with it...mostly because I just love them :)
This weekend is going to be packed and I'm so excited about it!
I have a 16th birthday party for one of my best friends at the lake on Friday, Amanda and Nick find out that same day if lil' Land is a boy or girl(what do you think??? Tell me please!). I think that the baby (who is already moving inside it's mama!) is a boy! I plan to go scrapbook shopping Saturday for more scrapbook stuff for this lil' peanut...We of course have church on Sunday and who knows what else it will bring!
Oh, but yesterday- I finished Little Women. It was tragic. But yet amazing. Very bittersweet. And that's all I can say. I just LOVE that book.
Oh and it's almost been a year since the Taylor Swift concert :) Such WONDERFULLY AMAZING memories :):):)
We've been swimming a whole lot this week- in fact we are going swimming today with some friends!
I can't wait to see what the rest of the summer has to hold- and I can barely wait until Summer With the Arts!
What have you all been up to this summer so far?
Have a great rest of the week!!!
~Bailey
And sadly the business of summer has hit, and though it is wonderful- it is sometimes a bit crazy.
We've had VBS this week, and I've been with three year olds, and wow. I am so tired. They are CRAZY. But I love them and I constantly have a cloud of little children surrounding me and about four children asking to hold my hands. Apparently they don't understand that when I have one kid on each hand it means I don't have any more hands to go around...so they just grab my arm instead. But I'm totally okay with it...mostly because I just love them :)
This weekend is going to be packed and I'm so excited about it!
I have a 16th birthday party for one of my best friends at the lake on Friday, Amanda and Nick find out that same day if lil' Land is a boy or girl(what do you think??? Tell me please!). I think that the baby (who is already moving inside it's mama!) is a boy! I plan to go scrapbook shopping Saturday for more scrapbook stuff for this lil' peanut...We of course have church on Sunday and who knows what else it will bring!
Oh, but yesterday- I finished Little Women. It was tragic. But yet amazing. Very bittersweet. And that's all I can say. I just LOVE that book.
Oh and it's almost been a year since the Taylor Swift concert :) Such WONDERFULLY AMAZING memories :):):)
We've been swimming a whole lot this week- in fact we are going swimming today with some friends!
I can't wait to see what the rest of the summer has to hold- and I can barely wait until Summer With the Arts!
What have you all been up to this summer so far?
Have a great rest of the week!!!
~Bailey
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