This Christmas

Christmas.

That word has always made my heart leap for joy. The music. The presents. The excitement! The bows and gifts and paper. The Christmas Eve service. The Christmas program our church has. The packages coming in the mail. The birth of our Savior. The joy, the salvation, the HOPE He brings. Each little thing each year just made my heart leap for happiness and joy.

This year...

it came a bit differently.

Joy? Oh yes. I have a niece! Who has given me so much joy and thankfulness. Her present is precious :)

Grief? Yes. Pain? Yes. Sadness? Yes.

She's everywhere.

"Where one is born, another leaves, branches on the family tree..." She's in the music.

I distinctly remember the picture frame I got her for Christmas last year, it was black...and white...with a picture of us. She's in the presents, the gifts.

I stood on stage this weekend with all the kids, dressed in their black and white, singing with all the passion in their hearts, "Born is the King, it's Christmas!" She once stood beside me when I was in children's choir. She's there too.

I can see her worshiping, arms lifted, in her seat the Sunday before Christmas- rejoicing that 2,000 years ago the Savior was born for all of us. She's at church.

Finding joy this Christmas season...it's hard. That joy that was there last year- it's not the same.
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I wrote that post about a week ago...I was in a hard spot. I've been thinking about what I wrote- and then it hit me, sitting in church Sunday...her favorite place, it's like she's closer there.

It hit me...she's in the music, in the gifts, in children's choir, she's at church...

I had been saying it over and over again....she's here. Yes, she's far away...very very far, and no I can't text her, can't run to her and hug her...but in a way- she's here with me every day.

No, it doesn't really make sense how she's still here- but she just is. Some days the hurt is unbearable, I look at her face in pictures and I just want to cry...but other days, there's a weird kind of joy...not the "Oh my goodness I'm so happy!" kind of joy...but joy. Somehow in the pain of today as I write this, in the pain of each day- joy.

I think it's because I know in a while, I'll see her again- I'll be with her and we will get to celebrate the Savior's birth together once again- in the best possible way, praising him together.

This verse has been my best friend lately, "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4

My friends...that's heaven. That's where she is. And oh what a glorious Christmas she will have this year.

So for today...I'm comforted by the thought that I will see her again, and we will get to celebrate Christmas together...And I'll choose to love, to serve with joy, to worship His name just as she is now- right at this very moment.

The BEST Thanksgiving gift :)

10 years ago a thirteen year old girl walked in our front door. Little did we know what a big part of our life she would play.

Over the years she kept coming back to babysit, she kept coming to church...and she kept meaning more and more to each and every one of us.

I remember the time, when I was about 5, we painted ourselves with finger paint- like our whole bodies. And the house was spotless when mom and dad got home. 

I remember the time she came with us to the beach, William slept in her room every night and she got horribly sunburnt on the beach because she wouldn't wear sunscreen. 

I remember when Sonia came home, she came over to see her, I remember the look on her face when she saw Sonia for the first time. 

I remember the day she brought her boyfriend over the first time, we went swimming. I remember the day she asked me to be her bridesmaid and wear that beautiful green dress. I remember when my dad walked her down the isle, tears filled my eyes. I remember the day we stood in the driveway and she handed me a bag of baby stickers and asked me to make their baby book, "You're going to be an aunt!" She said. 

I remember how over all these years, we've grown closer and closer...and now, we're just family. My parents consider her their daughter, she's part of our family. She's my sister.

I remember sitting in the hospital lobby yesterday waiting...and waiting...and waiting...

And then around 5:10 we got a text, "She's here!"

I remember the first time I saw her, my heart filled with joy- I'm an aunt! I couldn't stop smiling, she was so beautiful.

So...I am SO SO SO VERY proud to introduce to you my little niece, 

Harper Elizabeth Land 

I think she's just about the prettiest, most precious thing EVER. Being an aunt so far is pretty much the best thing. 

Proud daddy, with his beautiful baby girl.

My favorite family of three. 

I just love her so much already, she's already brought so much joy to my life. I can't wait to hold her little self today.

So, over these years, our love for Amanda has grown and today...we're all so proud of the newest little Land...the newest little girl in the family. And we can't wait to have a baby at Christmas this year.

Amanda, Nick and Harper- I love you guys!!! Can't wait to watch miss Harper grow and see what the Lord will continue to do through your precious family. Thanks for giving me the best thanksgiving gift and letting me play a part in your lives.

Love, Aunt Bailey :)

Thanksgiving: part 2

As this Thanksgiving approached oh so quickly, I knew it would come with mixed emotions.

It's the first Thanksgiving without my Paige.

And it's painful.

It hurts.

But I look at things...and here's how I've been seeing them lately.

I've been so thankful for the time I had to know her.

For the all the time she invested in me, I wouldn't be me without her.

I've been thankful that she chose me, then 9 year old, to not only invest in but really be a friend to. And over the years...we were more than friends, we were sisters.

I'm thankful the Lord let me have her for as long as He did.

For all the lessons she taught me...about boys, about loving on kids, about life, most importantly about God.

She taught me that it's okay not to be perfect, she knew she wasn't perfect. And she was okay with that...but she continually made an effort to fix things, to make herself more pleasing in His sight.

I'm thankful for her love of life, her joy, and her love for her Savior. 

I'm thankful that on the 22nd of July I got to spend many, many hours with her, doing one of the things we were most passionate about (SWTA).

I'm thankful for the special days we spent together...even though we never got to have one this year.

I'm most thankful for the legacy of love she left behind. So many people know her name- and why? Because she loved life. She loved God, she told people about Him. She left behind an example to follow. One that I have been striving to follow, praying that He would use me like He used her. 

So this Thanksgiving...in the midst of grieving, He has still given me things to be thankful for.

~Bailey

Thanksgiving: part 1

As Thanksgiving quickly approaches...many thoughts come through my mind.

So this is Thanksgiving: part 1

This time next week, we will be celebrating three years with our sweet Sonia Grace.

THREE YEARS!

It seems quite impossible really, not the fact that it's been three years, but the fact that she hasn't always been here. It seems like she's been here forever, she asks questions and says things now..."When I was in mywanda(Rwanda) you came to get me and you brought me home."

Oh, how much she has changed over the past three years.

She came home, she could barely speak any English, now she carries on full conversations, tells endless stories. There's barely any baby talk left. And it's so sad, I miss my baby girl.

She came home with barely any hair, it's now long enough to do braids with beads. And she loves it!

She's tall now. And she loves to wear her boots "that are just like sissy's." She loves to wear makeup, which only consists of mascara and a bit of eye shadow- but it makes her feel like a big girl- like sissy. She doesn't like to be held, unless she's upset or hurt. And she only let's mommy rock her, if she let's her rock her at all, because, "Mom, I'm a big girl like sissy, I don't need to be rocked anymore, remember?" She loves Doc. Mcstuffins, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and Jake and the Neverland Pirates. She does preschool with mom each morning when we do school. She can read words like, "CAT," and "TOM." Oh, and she has "4" loose teeth(by loose, I mean barely wiggling, but still)

In the blink of an eye, our Sonia Grace has gone from this:

To this: 

Sonia Grace, I'm so thankful for you. I'm so thankful for the little lady you are becoming. I'm thankful YOU are my sister. That each morning I get to hear you say, "Good morning Sissy!" I'm thankful for your joy, your little stories, your sweet excitement for baby Harper...and your little self. Even though sometimes it breaks my heart, I've loved watching you grow up and mature. I love you a whole lot, sweet girl of mine. And I'm so very thankful for you this Thanksgiving.

Love, Sissy

I just love them...

So... in less than a month...

Sweet baby girl will be here...

And oh my word, aren't they just the cutest?

Love them so much. And can't stinkin' wait to meet sweet Harper!

This joy the Father is gifting me with through them is just priceless. So, so, thankful.

~Bailey

P.S. Jessica over at The Making of M.O.M. took these pics...how lovely :)

On her 16th :)

To my best friend....

In the whole world...

On her 16th birthday!



HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I LOVE YOU!

More than Beauty loves Beast.

More than Mickey loves Minnie.

More than Donald loves Daisy.

More than Cinderella loves Prince Charming.

More than Jasmine loves Aladdin.



More than Sleeping Beauty loves Prince Phillip.

More than Flynn Rider loves Rapunzel.

More than Bo Peep loves Woody.

More than Ariel loves Eric.

More than Simba loves Nala.

I just love you :) And I'm so thankful for you!

~Bailey

Refreshing...

So we went to the mountains.

Just for 24ish hours.

But still.

We got away, as a family, just us.

Yesterday morning I sat on the swing on the front porch/patio of the cabin doing my quiet time while watching the sun peek through the trees.

It was breathtaking.

Up there....I could think. I felt peace. I didn't feel rushed to go places or see people. It was calm.

For the first time in two months...yes, it's been two months...and how it still hurts just as bad and how I still miss her just as much, I have no idea...

I could think clearly, I knew what peace felt like, and I could miss her without worrying about putting on a brave face for other people.

It's a great place up there, the mountains.

But I couldn't help thinking...I wish we were at Boone...visiting her.

But I rested in God's promises, and his BEAUTIFUL creation right in front of my eyes.

We had campfires. We had s'mores. I swung in a hammock. I did school outside all day. I even worked ahead for today(which was so nice).

I thought about her often. And how she gets to see God smiling over his creation that he made. How she gets to watch the trees change colors from up above. How I hope that she is proud of me that I'm living life joyfully again. Smile again. Laugh again.

I could miss her without being sad. I could remember her. Think of her.

It was a glorious 24ish hours with the family.

A refreshing 24 hours. It's amazing what 24 hours can do- seriously.

And I come back refreshed, ready to face today and tomorrow...and whatever comes.

And I know that God will always refresh us just when we need it.

Like he did for me.

~Bailey

P.S. Emily Grace's birthday is Monday...and I'm SO excited! Woo hoo! So I'll be back soon :)